Why We Keep Our Mouths Shut
by bobness
Summary: And so, France learns that some things are better left unsaid. Especially when those things involve America wanting to make love to England. Request by Mikelle.


**Did...Did I really take over a month to write this? Heh...er...yeah. Funny thing, actually- most of that time was spent planning, right? Well, I was suddenly struck with the 'Lightning of Inspiration' as I was writing, so I deleted all my planning and rewrote this entire thing in half an hour. 'Cause I'm a weirdo like that. I'm so sorry for the long wait, _Mikelle_!**

**Also, this WAS going to go into my 'Wave a Flag' set, but I wanted to give it it's own space. I really love this and I think it deserves to be a stand-alone fic. I hope you don't mind! :'D  
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**Disclaimer: I do not own Hetalia or anything else mentioned in the story.**

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Rumors are curious things. Such a simple piece of gossip, be it about something or someone, always has the tendency to spread into something more before it is finally crushed. They can ruin people's lives or they can make it better. They can be the most harmless thing in the world or they can be serious and, sometimes, quite fatal. No matter what, though, rumors are always started by one person. And, with the nations, this person usually happens to be France.

France played the innocent card. He claimed that he simply misunderstood something and, therefore, would accidentally spread a rumor about it to the other countries. No one really knew if this was true or not, but there was nothing done to stop him. France was France and nothing really _could_ be done to stop him.

As with all rumors, this one started out harmless enough. France, exhausted after a very long World Meeting, had been walking down the hallway, sighing dramatically every so often and running his fingers through his blond hair, trying to gain some sort of his flirtatious composure. After hours of yelling and screaming and arguing with every other country in existence, though, France found that his usual attitude had scurried away.

Until, that is, his ears caught a sentence from a closed door nearby.

"...and I just wanna do it with him."

'do it with him' were the words that soaked up most of his attention. Coupled with the fact that this was clearly America speaking (that obnoxious voice could be heard from halfway across the world), France's curiosity started to grow. He ceased his sighing and positioned himself outside the closed door, straining his head to listen to the rest of the conversation. Who was America talking to? And...who did he want to do?

It was silent before America spoke up again, which could only mean that he was on a phone. "Well, I just wanna make him feel _special_. He's done so much for me, and this is the very least I could owe him." Silence. "You know what I mean by special, Mattie, don't pretend that you don't. It'll be the best night of his life."

Best night, eh? France's face lit up. America wanted to have sex. With who, though? Probably England. Nay, _definitely _England. If France's sex-sensors were working properly (which they were, they always were), America and England had been pining after each other for quite some time. Clearly America was ready to take action. France mentally cheered the younger nation on.

"Well, I'm taking him out for dinner later. He already agreed to it." What was this? France blinked in surprise. America was giving England a proper date first? Oh, the wonder of it all! The mental cheering was raised up a notch. "And, after the dinner, I'll take him to my house and...ya know, the rest is history."

That was all France needed to hear. Or, actually, that was all he could hear, for he was afraid he would run in the room to exclaim that he taught America well. Considering America was a superpower and really liked his 'freedom to bear arms', France didn't believe that would go over so well.

He did mean to keep it a secret, though. Even when he ran into England in the hallway, he really did mean to keep his mouth closed about everything he had heard. But, really, that stuffy old Brit just needed some pizazz in his life. Everything about him was boring, to the choppy hair to the sweater vests. Once he knew he'd be getting laid tonight, perhaps he would be a bit more upbeat.

"I overheard _Amérique _talking on the phone to Canada," he instantly said once England had finally acknowledged his existence. Really, England sure was a silly one sometimes.

"Is that so?" the smaller nation snorted. "Well, why should I care?"

France smiled, leaning in closer to England. "I heard him say something about taking you out to eat."

As expected, a fine blush began spreading over England's cheeks, his green eyes darting nervously about the hallway. "Er, ac-actually, he...he said it-"

"And there was something else." France chuckled, looking away from England so as to add that much more dramatic effect to his next sentence. "He spoke about 'doing' something. Or someone."

England's eyes were as round as an owl's eyes at this point and the blush had traveled to his ears. "Wh-What?"

"He says it'll be the best night of your life." France finally glanced over at England. "After you eat." He smiled darkly. "In his home." And, just to add the cherry on top, France placed an arm around England's shoulder. "Making you feel...special."

Making an adorable squeaking noise in the back of his throat, England flung France's arm away, backing himself into the wall. "D-Dammit, France," he hissed, looking about ready to cry. "H-He's not the sort of kid who would do that! B-Besides, he said it was just as...as friends, as allies, and I don't love him in that sort of way, and he doesn't love me like-"

"Oh, but who said anything about love?" France grinned at the horrified expression on England's face. "I mean, yes, the boy might be in love with you, taking you on a date and all-"

"B-But, he said it was for-"

"But, if you're so adamant about _Amérique _not loving you like that, perhaps he just wishes to have sex." France nodded, rubbing at the scruff on his chin. "That's always a possible explanation for this whole situation."

England took a few deep breaths, steadying himself. "N-No, France, you must be mistaken. He clearly told me that today was a special day in his country and he wanted to treat me to a nice dinner. Th-That's it."

"Special? See, didn't I tell you?" France gave a smug smirk. "And I wasn't aware of any such holiday in his country. I do believe he's just pulling a fast one on you. I've known this was coming for quite some time, there's no need to be shy." France reached forward and patted England's head. "Now, listen. After America takes you home, just _pretend_ to love him. And even though he says he wants _you_ to feel special, make sure you top. I will not have the 'oh-so-mighty' British Empire bottoming, you hear?"

As always with awkward confrontations, something has to make it even more awkward. This something was America, who decided to grace the European nations with his presence just in time to hear the last of those sentences. "B-Bottoming?" he stammered, causing France and England to look up at him, not noticing when he had appeared. "E-England...England _topping_?" If England's expression had been horrified, America's was even more so.

England began stammering. "D-Don't listen to a word he says, I wouldn't do that if I loved you in that manner, which I clearly don't, you're like a son to me, not a lover, and he's just a frog, but what were you planning, anyway, making me feel special, b-but you said _today_ was special, and I haven't the f-foggiest clue what you mean, so-"

His voice stopped suddenly, only because France covered his mouth. "_Amérique_, is it true that you plan to, eh...how shall I put this?" He rubbed the back of his neck with one hand. "Is it true that you plan to make love to _Angleterre _tonight after your romantic dinner?"

America looked disgusted and scared and confused. "Wh-What? No!"

"Oh." France nodded, releasing England. "Than you shall just, er...have a quick one-night-"

"Stop!" America held up his hands, his eyes wide. "Don't even! I never said _anything_ like that!"

France sighed. "Deny it all you want, _Amérique_, I know what I heard from you on the phone."

"Phone?" America gritted his teeth, his face burning even more brightly than England's. "You were listening to my conversation with Mattie?"

"_Oui_!" France grinned, quite proud of himself. "And I heard you tell him that, after the dinner, you were taking England to your house to make him feel special."

America clenched his fists by his side, looking horribly embarrassed. "And you instantly assume this means we're having sex?"

France nodded, pleased that he was able to figure it out. England just continued staring at America, horrified that such a thing would ever happen.

After a long silence, America turned and began rummaging around in his briefcase, only stopping when he pulled out a DVD of the movie _Meet the Robinsons_. France and England started to look confused and their confusion was worsened when America pulled out a homemade card, one that was colored all over with crayons and looked quite childish. His face still red and embarrassed, he handed the card over to England. "We were gonna watch this movie," he mumbled. "And...and I was gonna give him that card."

England stared at the drawing on the front, the bright and happy colors popping. When he opened it, France leaned in to look and they both froze when they read the next words on the page; "Happy Mother's Day!"

"B-But..." England looked like he was trying not to cry and trying not to grin. "I...I'm not your mother."

America shrugged. "Yeah, well, you were as good as one when I was younger. Since I don't have a mother, I was never able to give away gifts to anyone, and...and I always wanted to, and...and I also wanted to show how much I appreciated everything you did for me as a child, so...so I was gonna treat you nice and make you feel special." He shuffled around on his feet.

England looked up at America's nervous face, back down at the card, over at the movie still in America's hand, then back at America. "Why that movie?"

"Huh? Oh, well...it's about a kid who just wants a family and he gets into these crazy time-traveling adventures and, at the very end, he does get a mom and a dad and...it's funny and I thought you might enjoy it some." America glanced at the cover of the case, clearing his throat. "It's a good family movie."

England continued glancing at every little thing he could until his attention was turned onto France. "You..."

"Er, _oui_, it's me," France muttered, looking quite sheepish.

"You...you bloody wanker, how dare you do this to me? How dare you put dirty thoughts in my head and make me believe...believe that _America_ would...damn, I hate you so much, I truly do!" His face was contorted into rage. "I swear, tomorrow morning, I will kill you. I _swear_ it." He grabbed America's free hand. "We're going out to eat for dinner, we're going to watch this damn Disney movie, and you're going to make me feel like the most special mother on this entire bloody planet, you hear me?" He strode off with America, who was looking confused by the sudden turn of events.

France was left behind, already prepping himself to hide out underground tonight. Everyone knew England always stuck to his promises.

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**Happy Mother's Day! Honestly, once I got this idea, I was grinning like an idiot. Maybe it's because I am an idiot. That's a good thought. So, I really am sorry for this being so late. Since I'm almost out of school (*dances*), I should be much quicker at getting my fics out there. *bows in apology***

**I hope you enjoyed! Please feel free to leave a review!**


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